Hey there, hotstuff.
Let's have a bit of chat, just like old times. We'll start with today and work our way back. Sound good?
So I woke up today. Surprise beginning, huh? Anyways, it's one of those days today. One of those days when you everyone seems to have conspired together to be stupid and block the streets (I'm talking to you, group of five freshmen boys on bikes who stopped in the middle of the freaking street and didn't move no matter how long I waited there with my car), or be selfish sons of bitches (no it wasn't your turn to turn... maybe I could have forgiven you if you'd used a turn signal you freaking... ugh), or just be general assholes (yes, I'm talking to you, abnormally tall grown-ass man who couldn't stop talking on the phone long enough to be a decent person to the person taking your Starbucks order). I'm having an amazing hair day, which is great, and I just got a piano (more on that later), and my Fourth of July kicked star-spangled ass (what up!), but right now, let's talk about where I am and how I got here.
It was another one of those days.
I've been having a lot of those these last few weeks, days when everyone around me seems to have gotten a memo to screw us over. But when people try your patience, they also build it. So when I went to drum major camp and learned about the importance of attitude, I really changed. That week really changed me, and that isn't an understatement. I love my family, I really do. However, they are constantly testing my patience. I absolutely love my mom but she asks me so many questions, and I love my sister but she crowds me, and I love my dad but... I'm sure there's something he does that drives me insane but I can't think of it now. Now that I'm this version of me, however, I can maintain my cool now. Because my mom's questions are well-meaning and my sister just loves me, and whatever my dad does that bothers me is probably unintentionally annoying.
So I got here going through middle school feeling alone and ignored, and I went through my last few years of high school trying to find my place in the marching band. It's already not considered cool (generally speaking) to be in marching band. But add on top of that the fact that I'm absolutely dedicated to it, and I'm basically the queen of the band nerds. The problem here is everyone in band telling me that I'm either a really important member of band, or a bitch.
And what I just now realized is that I'll never have any other high school experience. I'll only have the one that I do have, full of shakos and unattractive jumpsuits, and Portillos runs after games. I spend so much time at band, I give up so much of myself for it.
So I've gotten here, to the summer before my last school of high school, facing so much pressure about where I'm going when how I got here was pretty rough, and I'm only just now starting to be really proud of who I am. So I got here, and here I am, and this is who I am, and I'm so happy. I'm happy, but those days keep coming.
That's how I got here.
Now the question is, where am I going?
xoxo
R
