The People I'm So Far From

You'd think that is would be about distance, that this would be about all the people I miss now that I've been away for a week, but no. This is about time, which might be harsher than distance, and might be more telling, more revealing. Because when you consider the whole thing, the whole idea, when someone's far away, they're still there. Still somewhere, where you can still call them or write them, or you'll see them someday. But with time you forget details, you forget names, and God Forbid you remember much more than the important parts. Time makes it impossible to reach out again, impossible to go back and to ask for forgiveness, to make sure a secret is still a secret, to make sure they know how much they mean to you, meant to you.

These are the people I'm far from, 6 months between us, because I might not see them again. I met these people at a summer camp and I don't think I can close the distance without writing about them.

The boy who looked like Peeta from the Hunger Games, who took the little, oblivious blond boy away from the room when I started to break down. Who I had barely talked to that week, who I had no knowledge of. He understood, he looked at me like he knew exactly what he was doing for him. I don't know if he knew how big my thank you was when he took the boy to bed. And now I want to thank him for how kind he was that week, not only to me but to everyone, and how I should have liked to have known him.

And to the boy who befriended me in the first week. Camp had a funny way of making you be you, of making you just be exactly who you are. So I was broken, but I was happy and bubbly and more outgoing than I thought I could possibly be. And it was easy to be myself, because no one here was faking it, and no one here was mean. And this boy noticed how quiet I was when my friends weren't around, and how hard life was for me. One time I sat alone at a table, no food because the only bad part about camp was how hard it was to eat because I never felt well, and he offered to sit with me so I wouldn't be alone. And his smile and his eyes were soft, despite his slightly hard exterior, and that was new to me. His honest kindness, wholehearted sincerity, and just his kindness throughout the week.

And the counselors who understood when it was all a bit too much when I just had to get out, and the boys who followed me. The boy who didn't want me sitting alone, and the boy who I had known a year and who I love, despite the distance alone between us, and how they chased me out and hugged me until I calmed down. And the boy who had saved me offered for me to wait to perform, and a boy I'd never really even talked to knew my name and offered to let me wait, and so did the counselors, but I went ahead anyways. And I just know that I have a home there no matter what.

And the boy who came from such a different background but befriended me over a shared love of Paramore and a shared friend. And who there's so much to say for, but no words to use.

And the girls- my god, how many friends I made. The girls who asked me if I was seventeen, and asked me if I was dating every one, despite me insisting I have a boyfriend at home.

And the girls I shared my room with, whose secrets I won't share, but who had such incredibly crazy stories involving boys and danger, two of the most dynamic things a girl can have in her life. These girls were my family for a week or two, and I love them and miss them. They were my everything, and I know them like the back of my hand. Maybe it's the whole structure of a camp-- how you're there for such a short time, so you desperately learn everything you can about the people you have.

And the girl who was so sweet, and was so kind to me, and listened to me, who I could talk to about depression and insomnia after camp ended, who snuck into our room after hours.

And then, two last people. The girl who moved into our room the second week, with the kind heart, the voice of an angel, and who was like my little sister for the week. I tried my best to save her camp experience, to make up for her terrible first night, and I think I managed pretty well. Her mom came up and told me that I made the experience amazing for her, that I saved her week. And that feeling was the best feeling I've ever had.

And the boy who made me hug anyone who said the color yellow for a week because I lost a bet. It's more funny than you'd think. He asked the head counselor what color his notepad was, and of course it was yellow. Everyone had figured it out by now, so everyone yelled at me to go up and hug him. Best face ever.

Anyways, I just hope in this new year to learn from the experiences I had at camp and throughout the year, and to be the me that I was able to be at camp.

Love

Rex

Forever and Always

It's A New Year, A New Life

Hey there! You look nice today!

So, we're back to the whole "Parts" format! Woot woot! I hope you had a lovely, joyful, love-filled Christmas, or that you've enjoyed your holiday season! There's one more holiday coming up (which I'll touch on in a minute) so hopefully we'll all make it through this last week of the festive part of year relatively unscathed!

Without further ado, let's jump right into my weekly update!

Part 1: A Week In Review

So this week not much happened. That's a joke. Christmas was last Wednesday, and it was absolutely amazing! We opened presents at around 9:30 in the morning, and then we ate the best thing ever, which was cinnamon buns, and it lovely. Obviously the best thing I got was PJs, which is all I really wanted because of the functionality. My favorite was probably my sister's reaction to what I got her, which was a personalized necklace that says "You Do You", which is her favorite saying. Of course, the most fun part of the day was skiing, which was kind of crazy considering it was literally Christmas day. We went out to dinner, which was lovely, and the whole day was just amazing and fun.

I also did something entirely within my character that should really surprise no one: I nearly concussed myself. I'm not proud of this, but I dropped a chip and then when I stood up I hit my head on the corner of the cabinet I had left open. My sister and I then spent an hour trying to figure out if I was concussed or not, and then my parents got home and decided that I wasn't. Which is good, but on the other hand it really hurt.

Good job, Rex. Good job.

I went to a yoga class on Friday (yesterday) and I really enjoyed it! It was really nice to just breathe and stretch and relax, even if I was the youngest person in the room (no lie). I've decided that I want to start taking classes when I get home, so that'll be lovely!

The only other thing that's happened is that I've been to the tea place in town more times than I care to acknowledge. Which is kind of ridiculous but who really cares? It's good tea!

Part 2: Happy New Year!

So this coming Tuesday is New Year's eve, and that in itself should be exciting, but even more exciting, I think, is the opportunity a new year represents! So this year I plan on doing a few things to help make this year better and more of a growing experience for myself!

First off, me and my friend Lexi (not her real name) and I are making a list of things we want to do in 2014, and we plan on actually doing all of them. I hope to vlog or blog the whole project, so stay tuned for that! I will probably post an update sometime in the future!

Another thing I plan on doing is trying each month to kick a bad habit, or start a good one. The habit I've chosen for January is to make my bed every morning. I was going to make it to clean my room every night, but I'm saving that for February because I'm reorganizing my room when I get back from Utah.

I plan to keep 3 Journals: one that I write in at the end of every day, one to log progress on goals and resolutions, and one for phrases and quotes I like. Additionally, I am going to try and keep a Good Things Jar, where I put at least one good thing to happen to me in the jar a day. I also hope to take more pictures, read more, and stretch more.

Part 3: The Importance of Clear Thinking

There's not much I feel I need to say for myself. But I felt like this might be something to say now. If someone were to meet me after only reading my blog, they might have a certain idea of who I am. But I can't let anyone believe that this is a totally accurate representation. On this blog, I am trying to write in an honest, but very thoughtful way. I try not to swear in excess, I try not to express all my bad ideas as well as my good ones, although there sure are enough embarrassing things on this blog to last me a lifetime. But I think it's good to clarify that one of the things you would notice about me is that I tend to be a bit less appropriate. I tend to talk a bit less maturely, and certainly not as well articulated when I speak in real life. It's really not that I don't want to be this person, the one I can write as in a better vernacular with more intelligent sentences, it's just that it's not what people expect of me.
One thing I think people should be encouraged to do more often is to reflect with an honest mind, and realize behavioral patterns and habits within themselves that they wish to change. I find it easier to change something I don't like about myself, as in something I think is a bad habit or disrespectful, once I've noticed it and think about it and recognize when I am doing it. For example, basing how confident I feel off the way I think people are seeing me. It's strange to think that sometimes I want to leave the house just for the benefit of being seen, of feeling like someone will see me and think that I'm pretty or some other adjective. But of course I know how I look, and I know that I should base how I view myself first and foremost and mainly off how I see myself. However, I see myself in a light now that is reflective of how others see me, which is really silly and ridiculous when you think about it. Of course, I'll know my best friends for years. But that boy in my class who flirts with me but doesn't compliment me? The next time I see him he'll be telling me about the restaurant that he took over from his father. And that girl who compliments my clothing every day, well, as much as I'd like that personal cheerleader every day cheering on my clothing decisions, I won't always have that.
And what I've noticed is that, when I was at camp this summer, people would often compliment me on my character, and how kind I was. And I felt like me, walking around and helping every one and knowing everyone. I could walk up to literally anyone and they'd know me, and they wouldn't mind talking to me, which is something I long for. Being able to go to any one person in that camp, even if I'd never actually talked to them, and know that they knew who I was if only because I'd helped their friend the first day. I miss being able to just go ahead and believe in those around me because they knew me. I want to be that person again, who's just there for everyone. Because that's me.

I'm going to post twice today.

The quote for this week: "Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." John F. Kennedy

Love you,

Rex

Forever and Always

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

Hey there, darling! So this is going to be what my weekly posts will tend to look like! Hopefully this will flow, and make sense, and I can keep this up :)

Part 1: Where I Am? Right Here!

Ha ha, I kid! I'm currently in Utah for winter break, resting pretty well! Today was pretty rough because I'm exhausted, and fatigued, and very very shaky. It's really not so great, but I'm pushing on and plowing forward! I'm really excited right now for blogging, and for the writing I've been doing, and other things I've discovered lately (see below), as well as (drum roll please)... Christmas! This is the first time that we'll celebrate in Utah instead of at home, which is new but alright by me! I'm getting a guaranteed white Christmas, stress free! I haven't skied yet, but I have plans to Tuesday (yes, Christmas Eve!) because my mom and I are splitting a lesson.
Not that I particularly feel like skiing. Strapping on planks of wood and hurtling down a mountain? Oh yeah, totally relaxing! But really, it'll be nice to get back on the mountain!

Sometimes (My Poem To Blogger)

Sometimes I understand you.
Sometimes I really do.
Sometimes I just don't understand
Some things you sometimes do.
Sometimes I really love you
I think that you're inspired
But sometimes I just really hate
The way that you were wired.
Sometimes you serve my purpose
Sometimes not at all.
Sometimes I can I use you,
Sometimes you seem to stall.
I wish you'd cooperate
Every single day
And work when I need you,
And work in the some way.
But I guess change is natural
In every living thing.
But you're not really living,
So why am I suffering?
I'll follow your instructions,
I'll play by your rule books,
But sometimes you just really suck,
But I let you off the hook.
Because I really do love you-
I do, I swear, I do.
But sometimes I just don't know,
Why you do the things you do.
But you're nice, and I can always
Always count on you,
So maybe sometimes I hate you,
But I always love you, too.

What Christmas Is

It's kind of like waking up on a fresh, white winter day,
Like looking out the window, wishing work away,
And running out into the white, smiling the whole way
And making angels in the snow, and stopping there to lay.
It's kind of like hot chocolate, all warm and hot and sweet
Like making friends, then falling for, someone you somehow meet.
Like family stories around the fire, and the smell of burning wood.
And knowing then you feel the way you always new you would.
It's kind of like waking up and smelling winter air,
And breathing in the smells and scents of the world, white and bare.
Like singing songs of Yule-Tide cheer to strangers on the street,
Like sneaking cookies Christmas eve, or baking Santa's treat.
It's kind of like the feeling you get, letting paper tear
And pulling off the ribbons and strings to find what's hidden there.
Like seeing the pure, sincere reaction to a present that you give.
And remembering to be thankful for the life you get to live.
It's kind of like a memory repeated each new year,
Like something new and something old but full of the same cheer.
But most of all it always is the same kind of holiday.
The one you celebrate, then wait, counting every day.
You can listen to the music, the reports, and buy all in,
You can watch the Christmas movies, each one that has been filmed.
But don't base this off of all the things you're told by big show biz-
Love and family, hope and joy-- that's what Christmas is.