Strength and Happiness

It's not something a lot of people consciously consider. It's in the way you walk down the hallway, and how you approach not only school but also people in general. It's in the way you handle the stress people put you in, and how you influence people. It's what comes naturally to people. It's how you naturally act, how you naturally handle the day, how you handle yourself, how you interact with others. This is subconscious. This is natural. This is just you.

However, I am in the public eye constantly, as a drum major in my high school's marching band. How I handle myself with poise and confidence even in the relative privacy of the school hallways, because I recognize, accept, and welcome being a leader and being a role model for those who I am in charge of in band. When I am on the podium conducting, I have to be calm, confident, and in charge. I have to be responsible and dependable, accountable for my actions, all while being approachable and helpful. These attributes all pile up to paint the picture of the young lady I have to be, and welcome being. I try my hardest to embody all of these qualities, and I try to maintain these qualities because they are all qualities I wish to see in myself. I try as hard as I can to amplify these qualities, and lessen the appearance of those such features which would hinder my ability to lead effectively. Things like my issues with time management, and my ongoing struggle with positivity.

Most people walk down the highway at school in a daze, lost in their thoughts or their music, caught up in their own world. Most people walk between classes worrying about how they're going to complete the algebra assignment they neglected to do before ninth period rolls around. Most people get to walk down the hallway, concerned only with how their day is going to go.

I'm not most people.

Most people walk down the highway at school in a daze, lost in their thoughts or their music, caught up in their own world. I walk down the hallway, mind clear, smiling at everyone I know and making an effort to wave and call them by name. I try to greet people with as big a smile as I can, and double the size for those I know don't expect it, or who are having a hard time. Because I know from experience that sometimes a friendly face in the hallway, a friendly greeting, even just knowing someone else knows your name, recognizes you, cares about you... That can change a day.

 Most people walk between classes worrying about how they're going to complete the algebra assignment they neglected to do before ninth period rolls around. I walk down the hallway thinking about what I need to do in my next class to be successful, and what I need to do in my day to help out. I can't bank on study hall, saving my assignments for my second period and trusting I'll get them done, because I might be needed in marching band on any day.

Most people get to walk down the hallway, concerned only with how their day is going to go. I walk down the hallways concerned with how my freshmen's days are going. I worry about how I can help improve those days, and I worry about how I'm going to help the trumpet I see falling behind. I worry about how I'm going to help the flute who doesn't quite fit in.

I'm not most people. By choice.

It's not easy, really, being there for everyone. I see people in the hallway all during the day that I recognize, and who expect me to acknowledge. I'm expected to have all the answers in band, and I'm expected to be on top of my classwork so that I can focus on band. I'm expected to be okay all of the time. What I know is that every time I'm not alright... that's okay too. I just can't let it affect others.

I choose to be a positive person daily, because a positive attitude gets me through the day. More importantly, however, it helps those around me to see hope. I choose to be a leader because I know that what I can share is worth it, and that I can lead affectively. I choose to be accountable, because I know how frustrating it is to see people shifting blame. I choose to be dependable, because I know that that's what people need.

What I love about being so in charge is the opportunity I have to share my positivity, and influence others. Today a freshman told me that I was a good influence, which is what I aim to be. I want to be able to share not only a love of music, and possibly marching band, but also share a stronger, more positive outlook, and try to show people that what we are is what we choose to be.

I'm considering talking to my band and revealing my past, and why I had such a hard time in my life, at the end of next year, to try and give them hope. I want to do everything I can for them, because I owe them my happiness.

Adventures In Being Single Round Two: LDRs and DTRs and Whoa

Long time no talkski! I know, I suck, yada yada, but contrary to popular belief... I actually have a life. I know! Surprising! But I do have a life, and I was a bit too preoccupied with living it to post recently; in fact, I was too busy for four weeks out of this summer to text even my parents. Yes, I am an absolutely terrible daughter and friend, however I was busy with camps and such. Anyhow... on to the actual post.

Lessons Learned in the Month Of June As A Single Girl:

1) If you're single, and a boy is single, even if you see him entirely platonically, if you kiss his cheek you will wonder if he thinks that you are into him and you can't quite ask him if he likes you sometimes because sometimes he, you know, lives in Scotland. Whoops.

Note To Self: Stop kissing literally everyone's cheek when you are saying goodbye. (I even kiss girl's cheeks). (I literally only meant one in the last six months... He knows who it is.)

2) Stop worrying so much about whether or not other people are judging me, and stop avoiding holding hands in public or cuddling (not a lot, obviously), and just let what is going to happen, because I'm only 16, and I can get away with it now and I won't be able to later.

3) DTR. And like, do it now. And keep the open and honest conversation going.

4) LDR in a nutshell is like throwing yourself under a bus while life drives it over you.

5) I miss him.

6) I'm kind of single you know? But like kind of?


Okay. Love y'all.

Peace out girl scouts

Rex

Forever and Always