Here

I'm not an expert at anything,

I'm young, I'm new, I'm naive.

I'm not the sharpest on the block

And I don't pretend to be.

I'm really not the most clever girl

I repeat back what I hear.

I'm not the brightest you'll ever meet,

Or even in my mirror.

I'll never know the inter-workings

Of infinity or beyond.

I'll never claim to have ever seen

A sky beyond our stars.

I can't say things that might impress

Or make you think I'm smart,

I won't string words together to only

Make you like my heart.

You may think your words are making sense

But you don't know what I see,

I hear the things you try to hide

There's no need to be fake around me.

I won't judge if you show me

Who you truly are

But pretend to be anyone else

And the bets are off by far.

I'm not the sharpest on the block,

nor do I claim to be.

But know no matter what I know,

You can't pull one over on me.

I won't judge, I swear, I really won't

If who you are is true

I won't waste time, just open up

And show me the real you.

No need to deal with subtleties

Masks or grey charades

Call off all your cavalries

And stop your fake parade

I want you without the make up

Or the blonde dye in your hair,

I want you in your day old sweats

Not you in Vanity Fair.

If I could paint a picture of

The girl I know you to be,

Then I would paint it plainly

Until you open up to me.

I swear I cannot judge you,

Because I'm not perfect myself.

I cannot try and sway you,

Because I'm not the best at this.

So be yourself or walk away

The choice is really yours.

But I'll be here today,

And tomorrow, every morn.

Just Another Pissed Off Post

I've been meaning to post. But I showed someone this blog and I don't feel comfortable posting if they're reading. So if HE is, and he knows who he is, he should just... not. Please.

Song of the Post

I'm literally waiting. I'm sitting here, and I'm completely alone. And the thing is, I feel like no matter who comes to talk to me, I won't feel any different. My friends? Sometimes I just can't take them. Because I can't sit here and let everyone around me just worry about themselves. I really do care if you're upset, and I really do care if you're not doing well, but I can tell when you're doing these things for attention. I can really tell when you're not actually hurt. Take a second and ask yourself if whatever it is we're talking about it actually worth a conversation. When my friends come to me with problems, I'm happy to help. The problem is when they just can't seem to care about me at all.

I'm tired of watching my friends pretend to be one thing or another to make themselves more attractive and look smug while doing it. It's not like I can't see straight through whatever crap you're saying, it's not like your actions match your words. I'm just not going to call you on your shit right now because I'm not about to lose another friend.

Because I have a tendency to push people away but, let's be fair here, people are far too self-centered half the time to give a rat's ass about anyone. At all. Ever. At least it feels that way.

I feel stupid saying this, but I've been trying to be a better person recently. Like, actively trying to actually be a better person at all times. Searching out what I'm supposed to learn from anything and everything, and really trying to absorb it all. I'm not going to settle for not being able to do anything. It's stupid that people think they can't do anything about who they are. Seriously. You feel like you need something more? Go and find it. Sitting passively on your ass does nothing for your chances.

The longer you sit here trying to act like a better person the more unhappy you and the people around you will be.

Something else I'm working on? When I'm upset I'm trying not to take it out on the people around me. Because usually they haven't contributed to it. However, not everyone in my life is of the same belief. If something's wrong, say something, work it out, take your time, but if you don't want me to help or whatever, or if you just don't feel like talking to people, please leave me the eff alone.

Like, please. I'll give you the same courtesy?

Whatever.

So next time you're saddling up your high horse and getting your ass situated all nice and pretty and your nose all nice and up in the air, do me a favor and leave me out of it. How you can manage to be a pain in my ass when your head's so far up your own without tasting shit the way I want you to, but consider yourself lucky. At the end of the day, when you remove your cranium from your rectum and you can actually see for once, tell me if reality looks as good in the real world as it does when you're seeing brown. I'd really like to know.

Sorry for the angsty post and the teenage kicks, but I'm putting my foot down on this whole stupid thing. Act like an adult if you want to act like one, otherwise you're kind of off my radar.

And a note to all the boys ruining teenage girls lives and father-daughter relationships everyday: that condom should be over your head not your dick, because if you're going to act like one you should look like one, and you really shouldn't be getting any action anyways. I mean, if you can't even manage to keep your pants up during the day, you sure as hell shouldn't be dropping them at night. Especially at your age.

I mean, ya'll can all eff each other whenever you want. But if there isn't complete and total consent involved and you both aren't completely and totally and honestly ready, and positive in your decision, then I reserve my right to request this change of attire.

Self respect. Self improvement. Do it. This is your chance to really become someone. You're a teenager, and people will forgive you. You're finding yourself. Do it right. And safely.

And if he isn't a dickhead, put the condom where it counts.

So uhm yeah.
Sorry about that.
Told my friend I would stop apologizing for things I say when I mean them. So I guess I shouldn't now.

It's one of the things I'm working on.

Love.

R