Anyone Out There?

All at once it's the worst kind of loneliness. I spent this whole day with a group of people that my sister is really close with, the outsider of this group, but they accepted me. Then, as I left, I'm hugged by one of Mel's lovely friends and suddenly I'm not alone and there's this lovely male hugging and it's not just me alone in this little world that I've built but all at once that afternoon's done. So it's sort of just me once again. And I've gotten home and nothing much is wrong, then hours later it's all different, and I know. I know that nothing has actually changed since a few hours ago, but here I am and I feel completely alone. All I really want is for someone to be here right now; a friend that can talk to or depend on or just hug. It's been a month or two since someone held me, or hugged me for the sole purpose of making me feel better, instead of just to say hello, or goodbye. But as soon as I think of my parents coming home, I just want to be alone again, because they'll just judge me or talk to me about me going to church tomorrow, which I don't even want to think about right now.
I need someone, and badly, but there's really no where to go. But I can never really trust myself to get close to anyone if only because I'm too afraid of being a burden. I really need someone though, but I have no way to solve that problem. And I want to be alone but the second the right person approaches me, I'll let it go. Honestly, I just need someone to hug. But I'm stuck alone, but then again that's kind of how it's always been.