The Last Time

As I lay down next to him,

As fully clothed as he,

I realized belatedly

It was never meant to be.

His hand lies open next to mine;

But not again will our hands hold

The way that they sure have before

But now we've grown too old.

Maybe we became too different with age,

Or maybe I'm too the same.

Or maybe he moved while I stood still-

I watched him as he changed.

And now I knew as we lay there

As the crickets softely spoke.

I knew he'd not be next to me

When at daybreak I awoke-

Or at least the one that I would see

Lying with me in this field

Would not be who I had loved before

And so my heart cannot be healed.

So I fell asleep alone last night

With my old love by my side

Our pinkies touch but do not connect...

Our worlds will not collide.

So I'll awaken far before he

And watch him as he lie

Sleeping much too peacefully

and feel his loving die.

This is the last time that we'll sleep

The last time that we'll rise

The last time I will hear him breathe

The last I'll see his eyes.

The last time he will say to me

What I always thought he'd do

But now it feels he's lying to me

When he tells me "I love you."

He can say it, repeat it, again- again

And pretend it's what he feels...

But I can't tell if he meant it then

And I can't tell if it's real.

I'll wake him up, he'll drive me home.

He'll kiss my cheek goodbye.

Love- easily understood

But felt? Who know I, but I.

The last time that he'll drive away,

The last time that he'll see

The last time that he'll be this way.

The last time he'll love me.

---------

How terrible to have known a goodbye before even falling asleep.

Rex