Suddenly, Blindly, Fearful

Suddenly, Blindly, Fearful

It's frightening and gut-wrenching,
and Fearful and tear-jerking.
It's this crazy, butterfly-inducing
Crazy, mind-whirling,
Stomach-dropping
Overwhelming
Absolutely insane...
Feeling. Thing. Emotion.
Idea, notion,
Motion.
It all comes back to motion,
And relative motion,
And stationary fighting movement
and Emotion, and your emotion.
And this thing that people call love,
A different name to everyone.
I don't feel what you feel,
and the next and the next and the next.
The next is different.
Different...
Different.
This feels different, almost...
Surreal. Liberated. Crazy.
Free.
Epitome of everything I didn't think I'd feel.
It's in the back of my stomach, as I lie on my side
The way I do when you are here,
The way I do when you are not.
The way I do when I miss you,
and when I see you,
and when I feel you, and see you,
And when you're here but not at all.
The phone only drags you so far,
Until somehow you're here.
A semipermeable space between us,
Like the very membranes of the cells
Making this possible.
And the short, brief, contained responses,
Your deceptive nonchalance
Your structured and pointed words
Avoiding wounds.
For there are gaping holes where I
Used to, used to hold my hope.
An evening soured by kin and misunderstanding,
Riddled with confusion and accusation,
And far to twisted, mind-bending,
and it's not enough.
We're dancing this tango, your hand in mine,
Your kiss sweet on my lips,
A slow waltz for the first and last time this evening,
And I feel you guide me until it is suddenly
Interrupted.
       Interrupted.
And broken.
It's this feeling now as I watch you,
Built through, seen through,
Been through. Done too.
I cannot lose you, for I have given you my everything.
And the terror is deep in me, but I push it down for you.
For there is nothing more that I can do,
Than give all of my love to you,
And blindly hope you can find
It in your heart to pay in kind.
For all you have is all I've got,
And I know that it may'nt be a lot,
So if it's not enough for you...
Fate can follow home you too.