Freaked And Sore-Throated

I don't really know who to blame, but I'm going to blame... well...

...

The Dream Fairy.

Or, more accurately, the nightmare fairy. Because I am very sure that the only reason my throat hurts is because (and I cannot believe I am admitting this on the Internet) I cried in my sleep last night.

Okay, so my dream starts with my band and I help to paint over some graffiti in a school with a group of thugs, whom I assume were the ones who had originally spray painted it on the wall. Then, out of the sky (I think) water came and washed it away, and for some reason the thugs decided they didn't like that. Hey, maybe the thugs were actually, maybe, like, you know, just evil. Whatevs.

We then did what many of you would probably do if a few guys were being all macho and chasing you... ...

We, you know... ran.

So through the twisting hallways of an abandoned school we ran frantically, attempting to escape form the guys whom were at least four times bigger than us. Eventually we lost them, but it was obvious they weren't far behind us. The guys (yeah, the band was only guys; like Paramore or Hey Monday or VersaEmerge) and I checked everywhere for an exit; the only thing we could do to escape was find a way out.

Eventually I was lucky enough to find a door. Behind it, the next room contained a group of teenagers who were supposed to be dancing; music was playing but no one was moving. To get them moving, I started dancing like the spaz I am. Eventually, they all joined in before realizing who we were. We made our ways out.

What we found last was a gym decorated for a dance. The colors were neutral, brown and creme, and there were two raised platforms on either end of the gym, one holding the DJ's booth and the other a set of seats.

"Come on, we have to go!" One of the guys yelled.

"Let's just stay here. There's a dance here tonight. We'll be fine."

So we went and sat in the seats. I sat down and one of my band members (we'll call him J) sat next to me while the others sat a few rows behind.

"You know, if you'd wanted to start a band you could've expressed an interest. Told us."

I said nothing.

He was right. In his opinion...

"You wanna dance?" I asked J.

"What, are you going to try to get all the guys to dance with you," with a quick roll of my eyes, I stood.

"Hey, Rex. GOSTYN is waiting for you at the door. Why don't you go meet him?" Someone yelled up to me. I stood and ran to him; I ran as fast as I could. As soon as I got outside, I noticed how dark it was. It was as if a cloud had covered just us. Just our little part of the world. Just now.

"I'm going to fight in the Taiwan War," he sneered, throwing the whatever he had been holding into the air. A gasp escaped my lips before I could stop it. Suddenly, I started crying. My hands covered my mouth, they wiped my eyes, they smoothed my hair. His twisted and turned, a habit of his. I tired to conceal from him just how painful the thought of him, my GOSTYN, going to war was. My thoughts and pulse raced, the tears fell, and he stood there silently. As if the crying girl who stood before him was the most delicate stranger in the world. As if my frame would break if he moved. As if he were worried about me.

"Okay. Okay... why... uh, oh... okay..." I stuttered out. He stared at me, his eyes boring into mine, burning with something I couldn't comprehend. All I felt was fear; what if he didn't come back? Or, worse... he came back hurt? It was one thing to feel the pain for a moment. But for him to have to live the rest of his life with the pain another man caused in war, maybe in vain?

What if he changed?

It felt as though if he were to change, my world would change around me. Slowly shifting into a new place, a place it wouldn't belong and a place where I'm sure I wouldn't want to be.

The image shifted to one of me at the party, pretending to be fine.

Pretending.

A mask of happiness covering the total anguish I felt with every fibre of my being.

---

When I was crying in my dreams, I must've cried in real life.

This shook me up because GOSTYN is someone I wouldn't want to see go off to war; someone I'd like to know better and think that, if that were the future, I would.

Anyway.

Good Night!

Love,
Rex

PS GOSTYN is actually a real person, but I changed his name. If you want to guess who, let me give you a hint.

If you're very close to me, you know him.

And I sort of mean proximity.